God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Yes, then what? Didn't you ever think, while masturbating, that God was not creating Adam and himself, meaning with his hands? The basic pieces of knowledge that I want to emphasize here, and I'm sure that you've already known, that it has a different focus on Having Sex, Reproduction, and Marriage. They are not same, they are different.

People can have sex without having a purpose to do reproduction. Well, there are lots of hetero couples that are having sex consciously avoid the conception, either they use a condom or put the cum outside. I don't know a lot of species in the Animalia kingdom, but I know that homo sapien (us) is a kind of species that have sex not only for reproduction purpose but also for sexual pleasure. Thus, if we always equate sex and reproduction action, and assume that have sex for pleasure only is wrong, then there are lots of something wrong our species do. Not only homosexual acts but also hetero.

If a man does penetration inside a man's anus to get pleasure is wrong, then also in the woman's anus. Why? Well, both cannot produce a baby. Then what are the differences between man's and woman's anus? More, if all kinds of getting sexual pleasure without producing babies are wrong, so do blowjob and handjob. If you think that the way homosexuals getting pleasure is wrong, so do your way when masturbating, doing blowjob and anal sex.

It is simply explained that lesbians and gays are not intended to make a baby, they are just wanted to feel a sexual pleasure. If I get the sexual pleasure by looking at the blue sky, so what?

It is such a traditional thought that believe that marriage is doomed just for heterosexual couples. Gay marriage will not have children. Well, we know that the function of the family is not only for reproduction, but also: social,  economy, affectivity, health care, etc. Furthermore, a gay couple can adopt children to be their son or daughter. Precisely, the things more important than just a reproduction purpose in a family is togetherness and trust. So a couple can fulfill the family dream and reach all of the function of the family.

I don't say that lesbians and gays are right, and I don't say that they're wrong. I just have no problem with them. If you think that homosexual activity is sinfulness, well cheating in the exam also a sinful act.

Continue to the discussion about mental disease. Some study, that I don't know a lot, stated that homosexuality is not a mental disease. But I'm wondering about another sexual orientation, such as ecosexual, that gets pleasure from "having sex" with plants, or skysexual (a new term I made), even pedophile. 

Something that I agree is that there must a consent in every sexual interaction between anything. Sometimes I feel that a 21 years old man who is having sex with 13 years old girl is okay (can we call him a pedophile?) but when I think about the ability of thinking and taking a decision of 13 years old kid, I don't think that it is okay. But back to the statement above to the consent that had been made before. I ever talked to a stranger, he said that he lost his virginity at 14 with a 16 years old girl. Well, I'm done!

Once I heard an imperative voice that said I couldn't be here anymore, waiting while doing nothing. Even though rain was falling heavily outside. Then I moved, ran under the rain. But on my way after I decided, there's always another voice said that I will die at that time. In some cases, I'm stuck.

Another problem is when I wake up, I always regret why did I sleep for 12 hours a day, even I could use the time to keep moving. However, I can't justify that that was not my decision. If all of these things I passed were gambling, now I have lost much. I'm not moved. In the end, I will always trust that today is my last day, I will die now.

When I'm stuck, it's because I'm afraid of being dead, and lost of my control over myself. I'm insecure; from all of the words I write and speak, sometimes I believe that I could be more than those, but afraid.

November 6, my friend asked for a meeting. I said to meet for the next day. After I had finished my morning class, I waited for her in the library lobby. About 11.30 a.m she came. So, what's her intention for the meeting? Well, she's got a letter to deliver, and it's from my grandma. She wanted to give it to me. After I had the letter, I opened it. Here's the message:

Date: Sept 5, 2017
Dear, Adi N.

With respect: Di, I really have to write a letter to you, because I miss you. Di, if you have free times please go home for a while that I won't over-thought. Hopefully, you always do your pray, 5-times-praying, and do study hard. Don't waste your time. Fortunately, all of my sick ills has been healed; hopefully always healthy. I hope you always be well. Allah blesses you. I always pray for you. And If you got a call from me, please answer it even a word. 

I'm sorry, that's all, and thank you.
Mbah Kasno 

N.B: Di, do you still have cash? If you run out of it, please go home. Eat healthy food.

I don't know what's caused my Grandma to write and send me such a letter. She can easily call me, she has a phone. Even sometimes I didn't pick it up is just because I wasn't holding my phone, or I was sleeping. If I'm in the mood, and I think it's necessary to do, I will call her back.

But yeah, if she just calls me, I will not have such a story to write. That day when I opened the letter, my other friend knew it. She told me that a letter has something which could touch your heart deeper. It will express sympathy. Until I got the letter, I haven't gone home since the beginning of this semester. Finally, 17 days after I got the letter, I went home. I met her. She was so pampered.

It's hard for me to tell this thought in English because of the case that has particular culture background which is Indonesian. It maybe hard for the readers to understand without having this background of knowledge. But let me try to tell you.

Let us begin with the fact that the trend of young-marriage here is pushed by the belief that having relationship before marriage is a haram, forbidden, or illegitimate thing. While it is stated by the Quran or Hadith. Till here, you know that I write about marriage in Islam. I have no problem with early-age marriage. I just worried that this will make a couple feels better or nobly higher than the other just because they are a halal couple.

I will not to try to generalizing, but I see some halal couples - by looking at their style, I know that they are a halal couple, even I will say "probably" too. If they are not a halal couple, it will be so messy - do things that non-halal couples do too. Such as, in public area, they're coupled walking side by side, arm and arm, and hand and hand. Or they're coupled having lunch in a food stalls and romantically talk. Can you imagine that?

And then what? I mean, they do what the other non-halal couples do too. So what's the difference? Just not doing sin as they believe. Whereas the society will still see that they're "making out" in public area. I wondered that, perhaps they will show others that their relationship is nobly higher than others'. Ultimately, indirectly, they agree that "making out" publicly is okay in case you're a halal couple and God bless you.
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