A BLOG BY

ADHY NUGROHO

These are Why I’m Still Single

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Besides the fact that I’m ugly and no one wants me to be hers, I’m not even trying to get a girl to be my girlfriend. Thing that I’m afraid of is that there is a girl or maybe more than one that fall in love with me. This is something that I can’t easily tell you why, but it has been about five years for me to make impression that I’m not that kind of man you should fall in love with. Well, I use the phrase “fall in love” for the meaning of “She wants me for hers”.

This become something hard to tell because I have such a poor library of vocabularies on my mind, even I wonder that there is no word that could define what’s happened to me.

First, I think I don’t need sex yet. For me, sex is such a boring thing if we know that it’s actually being done for reproduction purpose. If we talk about recreational purposes of sex, well, I’m tired of having interaction and conversation with the girl; it always has chance to get rejection. It’s not including the possibility that I may impregnate her and I have to be a responsible man, or if we're caught by people. It’s too hard for me. Btw, about recreational purposes of sex, I can get the pleasure by myself.

Then, I hate possession. I could be fallen with someone without wanting her to be mine. If I’m in a condition that states I am hers and she is mine, I never have another chance to fall in another girl. Or the universe will say that I’m cheating on her. Possession is just like a barrier for me to feel the beauty of the world. If you say that I’m an anti-commitment is because I don’t know for what commitment is.

Sometimes, I just imagine that I can love a girl then I tell her that I love the other girl, and she loves me and doing the same thing as me, and no problem. We could love each other, sharing, and taking care each other without any differences of the rights because of possession.

Ultimately, if I’m in a relationship, I will have more chance to see girl’s tears. I don’t like to see girl who is crying.
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